Sunday, December 2, 2012

itni toot chuki hun
ke agar chooauge toh bikhar jaagungi

kya soch kar tumne aawaz di
naa kuch kaho toh hi behetar hai

baaqi kya hai abb
pal pal hai yah chhall
aayen na kabhi khushi
gham hi  kaafi hai
issi ko dho lun
ke zindagi abhi baaqi hai

harr ek ko pyar diya
gale lagaakar aitbaar kiya


Sunday, November 4, 2012

This is a thanking note to my friend Amartya Sinha..his  abode in Calcutta... where i stayed for few peaceful and satisfying days...so enduring
was every corner.. the food.. the hospitality...I thank you with my heart and love.


My friend…I have left a part of me there
So that you could be never away from me…

During the short walk to the house..
building up my apprehensions
visions of pillars and a porch..thru my dreamy eyes
and almost as expected
I saw a beautiful creeper hugging the wall.
Cars are parked and a rustic garage to the right
The entrance is as majestic…with a huge painting and a flawless carved stone
Some curios placed artistically and a breath-taking Moroccan ceiling lamp
emotions are swelling and my body soaks in the warmth.
Flight of stairs so began that…
Now...  the journey  is  nostalgic
The floor seems like Aladdin’s carpet
Sweeps me off to my childhood…
The dark mahogany furniture
so eager to speak out

The old light switches
The five bladed fans
The wooden partition or
the chest of drawers
the endless designs on the jade coloured floor
the bamboo chic so gently grace the space
the  dreamy white curtains
the high post English beds .. a depiction of a fine heritage.
Walls adorned with paintings so alive, ancestors and young times

so surreal as though, Tagore during a conversation
would get up and move to the lawns
a peep outside and you run down the stairs
the crouton and the bamboo shoots
the stone steps and the bright yet cozy corners
the squirrels and birds…
peace speaks to you…
it nudges you to experience more
u breathe in the earthy aroma of the kitchen
and suddenly the table is laid with
simple food yet extremely tasteful
Gracious elders of the family
Are so genuinely pleased
So accomplished and distinguished
Humble and unassuming
seeing them in you
makes me feel so proud
O…My friend…I have left a part of me there
So that you could  never be away from me...

Saturday, November 3, 2012

The general view and understanding of this blog could be.. could be remorse..I agree... but taking up to write about the hurtful moments of life it is therapeutic...its the gentle way of self assessment and coming to terms ... 

Do you hate me? She expects a yes!



She has not been spared at all…in her childhood three people physically abused her…one was a close friend of the family… a young man   and another old hag… her father’s friend.. a bank manager and her own brother in law.



She is all battered and bruised
Been used and abused
Eighteen to forty six
Every wish went for a six
She fought like a warrior…but
Failing to see the light
Everywhere there’s darkness
Her life is reduced to self pity and sadness
Do you hate me? She expects a yes!
Do you love me? She expects a NO…
Endurance brings more pain
Stand up, hold your head high
Choose not to be battered and bruised
Choose to be courageous…all over again 

Hope?



I lived my life full of hope
But now I wish for a life without a rope
That whips me to…’u did this’ and ‘u did that’
He said this about you and he said that
Enough…I wish to live my life…
Leave me alone…
Always given but seldom received any
Love…what are you thinking?
I never cared for a penny (money)
Thinking I am a pauper
They walked all over me
So…Leave me alone
Coz’ now But now I wish for a life of my own

This is how it is...


Everything I touch is turning to ashes
Blood is oozing out painfully… of those deep gashes
I feel I have lost the touch of being articulate…
No words that float in my head make any sense
They are either in self-pity or resentful
It’s  so unbelievable..that my love for ink has left me
I start to write… I cry as I have left myself far behind…’coz
Everything I touch is turning to ashes
Over the years…
At every turn of events I am to be blamed
I am weighed by troubles
From my childhood to now
Love, understanding…seem too far
Everything  I indulge goes wrong..
Everything I touch is turning into ashes
I do not see any future anymore
It could be only pain … more soured relationships
More hate and even more hate
Its tough to share my woes…
The wrongs are so in my face
 its hard to smile and let go of the same
it’s a life chosen for learning
it’s a lone journey…
where everything  I indulge goes wrong..
Everything I touch  turns  into ashes

Lagti sachhi har ek baat


Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain
Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein
Jal, aagh na hawa..naa toh kissi ke meethi baatien
Lagti sachhi
Iss zindagi ko kahaan lejaaun mai
Kisse samjhun aur kisse samjaaun
Aakhir sachhai ka saamna karna hai
Iss jeevan ke paap ko dhona hai
Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain
Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein

Androoni awaaz naa kissi ko sunn na hai
Apne asoo khudh hi ko peena hai
Khushi ke pal..khilkhilata hassi
Aiise lagte hain jaise
Sukhe ped par kuch adh-sukhe patte
Jab gire… mitti mein mill jaaye
Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain
Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein

Zindagi se ladte ladte…gyan batorna bhool gaye
Aaj mera asthitva bhi nahi hai
Kyon ki aaj tak ka kiya karaaya
Pyaar… muhobbat…kaam –kaaj
sabb daao par lag gaye
Jab mai  hi gir gayi apne nazaron mein
Sabb ek ek karke.. mitti mein mill gaye
Sabb mitti mein mill gaye!


Rahu Mahadashaa





Paani ka bahaav kuch tez tha
Naav dagmagaii
Dil dhatak utha
Toofan aate hue dekh
Mai ne bhagwan ko awaaz lagaii
Aasman se awaaz goonj uthi
Tumhare kartoothon ke wajah se
Maine kuch kathor nirnai liye hain
Line mein aage Rahu-Ketu khade hain
Inhe somph rahaa hun tumhare zindagi ke kuch saal
Rona-dhona, maar-kaat aur behadd pareshaan honge tumhare haal
Hamdardi milegi par pyaar nahi…
Dukho ke bachne ka koi raasta nahi
Har baat ko galat samjhaa jayega
Har kaam ko neecha dekhaa jayega
Pare hatao sab doston ko
Kyon ki …har rishta nashth ho jayega

Paani ka bahaav kuch tez tha
Naav dagmagaii
Dil dhatak utha
Toofan aate hue dekh
Mai ne bhagwan ko awaaz lagaii
Akele…toofan se dari hui
Na dost naa thikaana
Na paisa na koi parwaana
Sirf akelaa – pan
Phir maine ek halki awaaz lagai
Par bhagwaan ne ek naa suni
Ek taraf kuan doosri taraf khai
Tootaa  hai dil par saanse abhi hai baaki
abb sirf akelaa-pan hoga saathi
naa hoga koi dost naa thikaanaa
naa paisa… naa parwaana
disclaimer: my writing is my own experiences from life ...it does refer to anyone in any manner.