This is a thanking note to my friend Amartya Sinha..his  abode in Calcutta... where i stayed for few peaceful and satisfying days...so enduring
was every corner.. the food.. the hospitality...I thank you with my heart and love.

My friend…I have left a part of me there

So that you could be never away from me…

During the short walk to the house..

building up my apprehensions

visions of pillars and a porch..thru my dreamy eyes

and almost as expected

I saw a beautiful creeper hugging the wall.

Cars are parked and a rustic garage to the right

The entrance is as majestic…with a huge painting and a flawless carved stone

Some curios placed artistically and a breath-taking Moroccan ceiling lamp
emotions are swelling and my body soaks in the warmth.

Flight of stairs so began that…

Now...  the journey  is  nostalgic

The floor seems like Aladdin’s carpet

Sweeps me off to my childhood…

The dark mahogany furniture

so eager to speak out

The old light switches

The five bladed fans

The wooden partition or

the chest of drawers

the endless designs on the jade coloured floor

the bamboo chic so gently grace the space

the  dreamy white curtains

the high post English beds .. a depiction of a fine heritage.
Walls adorned with paintings so alive, ancestors and young times

so surreal as though, Tagore during a conversation

would get up and move to the lawns

a peep outside and you run down the stairs

the crouton and the bamboo shoots

the stone steps and the bright yet cozy corners

the squirrels and birds…

peace speaks to you…

it nudges you to experience more

u breathe in the earthy aroma of the kitchen

and suddenly the table is laid with

simple food yet extremely tasteful

Gracious elders of the family

Are so genuinely pleased

So accomplished and distinguished

Humble and unassuming
seeing them in you
makes me feel so proud

O…My friend…I have left a part of me there

So that you could  never be away from me...

The general view and understanding of this blog could be.. could be remorse..I agree... but taking up to write about the hurtful moments of life it is therapeutic...its the gentle way of self assessment and coming to terms ... 

Do you hate me? She expects a yes!

She has not been spared at all…in her childhood three people physically abused her…one was a close friend of the family… a young man   and another old hag… her father’s friend.. a bank manager and her own brother in law.

She is all battered and bruised

Been used and abused

Eighteen to forty six

Every wish went for a six

She fought like a warrior…but

Failing to see the light

Everywhere there’s darkness

Her life is reduced to self pity and sadness

Do you hate me? She expects a yes!

Do you love me? She expects a NO…

Endurance brings more pain

Stand up, hold your head high

Choose not to be battered and bruised

Choose to be courageous…all over again 

Hope?

I lived my life full of hope

But now I wish for a life without a rope

That whips me to…’u did this’ and ‘u did that’

He said this about you and he said that

Enough…I wish to live my life…

Leave me alone…

Always given but seldom received any

Love…what are you thinking?

I never cared for a penny (money)

Thinking I am a pauper

They walked all over me

So…Leave me alone

Coz’ now But now I wish for a life of my own

This is how it is...

Everything I touch is turning to ashes

Blood is oozing out painfully… of those deep gashes

I feel I have lost the touch of being articulate…

No words that float in my head make any sense

They are either in self-pity or resentful

It’s  so unbelievable..that my love for ink has left me

I start to write… I cry as I have left myself far behind…’coz

Everything I touch is turning to ashes

Over the years…

At every turn of events I am to be blamed

I am weighed by troubles

From my childhood to now

Love, understanding…seem too far

Everything  I indulge goes wrong..

Everything I touch is turning into ashes

I do not see any future anymore

It could be only pain … more soured relationships

More hate and even more hate

Its tough to share my woes…

The wrongs are so in my face

 its hard to smile and let go of the same

it’s a life chosen for learning

it’s a lone journey…

where everything  I indulge goes wrong..

Everything I touch  turns  into ashes

Lagti sachhi har ek baat

Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain

Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein

Jal, aagh na hawa..naa toh kissi ke meethi baatien

Lagti sachhi

Iss zindagi ko kahaan lejaaun mai

Kisse samjhun aur kisse samjaaun

Aakhir sachhai ka saamna karna hai

Iss jeevan ke paap ko dhona hai

Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain

Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein

Androoni awaaz naa kissi ko sunn na hai

Apne asoo khudh hi ko peena hai

Khushi ke pal..khilkhilata hassi

Aiise lagte hain jaise

Sukhe ped par kuch adh-sukhe patte

Jab gire… mitti mein mill jaaye

Nafrat ki oonchi dewar khadi hain

Irdh girdh mere iss toofan mein

Zindagi se ladte ladte…gyan batorna bhool gaye

Aaj mera asthitva bhi nahi hai

Kyon ki aaj tak ka kiya karaaya

Pyaar… muhobbat…kaam –kaaj

sabb daao par lag gaye

Jab mai  hi gir gayi apne nazaron mein

Sabb ek ek karke.. mitti mein mill gaye

Sabb mitti mein mill gaye!

Rahu Mahadashaa

Paani ka bahaav kuch tez tha

Naav dagmagaii

Dil dhatak utha

Toofan aate hue dekh

Mai ne bhagwan ko awaaz lagaii

Aasman se awaaz goonj uthi

Tumhare kartoothon ke wajah se

Maine kuch kathor nirnai liye hain

Line mein aage Rahu-Ketu khade hain

Inhe somph rahaa hun tumhare zindagi ke kuch saal

Rona-dhona, maar-kaat aur behadd pareshaan honge tumhare haal

Hamdardi milegi par pyaar nahi…

Dukho ke bachne ka koi raasta nahi

Har baat ko galat samjhaa jayega

Har kaam ko neecha dekhaa jayega

Pare hatao sab doston ko

Kyon ki …har rishta nashth ho jayega

Paani ka bahaav kuch tez tha

Naav dagmagaii

Dil dhatak utha

Toofan aate hue dekh

Mai ne bhagwan ko awaaz lagaii

Akele…toofan se dari hui

Na dost naa thikaana

Na paisa na koi parwaana

Sirf akelaa – pan

Phir maine ek halki awaaz lagai

Par bhagwaan ne ek naa suni

Ek taraf kuan doosri taraf khai

Tootaa  hai dil par saanse abhi hai baaki

abb sirf akelaa-pan hoga saathi

naa hoga koi dost naa thikaanaa

naa paisa… naa parwaana

disclaimer: my writing is my own experiences from life ...it does refer to anyone in any manner.